


Second Chance

by meesherbeans



Series: You Make Me Feel Human [18]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Male-Female Friendship, Short One Shot, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-09
Updated: 2015-01-09
Packaged: 2018-03-06 19:41:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3146267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meesherbeans/pseuds/meesherbeans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaidan overhears Shepard and Garrus talking about her weakness, namely him. Spoilers for the second Citadel mission, after Tuchanka. From Kaidan's POV, but focusing on Garrus/Shep's conversation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Second Chance

It felt off to him, being on the Normandy again. It wasn't the size difference, or even the different layout; there was something just different about it all. Hell, maybe it was _him_. He plopped his meager bag of belongings into the locker and began to wander the ship. EDI piped up and suggested he may find the observation deck soothing after a stressful day. Shrugging, Kaidan decided to take the ship's advice and headed in that direction. After the door slid shut behind him, he knew that it was the right suggestion. A beautiful view of space, bright white stars twinkling against pitch black, greeted him through the large window.

Looking around, he was pleasantly surprised to see a card table and fully stocked bar. How was _that_ Alliance-issue? Well, no use in complaining; they could all use a place to unwind from some of the stress of the war. He sat back in the chair near the door, eyes glued to the serene sight of the galaxy before him. The slow hum of the ship had almost lured him to sleep when a gravelly turian voice rang through the door.

"Shepard, hell of a day. Udina loses his mind, the Citadel almost falls, and you almost had to put down a…friend." Feet shuffled and stopped nearby, outside the door.

Her voice followed, more weary than he'd heard her sound in years. "It got a little…tense there."

"Heh. Tense. If it had come down to it, could you have pulled the trigger?" Kaidan leaned forward, listening intently. He had asked her the same question earlier, but she very deftly dodged answering him. He wasn't sure if it was because she was upset that she would have, or ashamed that she couldn't.

She paused, unsure in her response. "What do you think?"

"I don't know; humans are hard to read as it is, but you're usually a complete mystery."

Cloth shifted as she paced across the hallway, closer to where he eavesdropped on the other side of the door. "I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of in my life, Garrus, but there are some things even I could never do."

"I assume that includes shooting Kaidan?"

"…Yes." The tone in her voice broke his heart again. She was angry with herself for being unable to shoot him if necessary.

Garrus sighed and his armor lightly clunked against the wall; Kaidan assumed he was leaning. "War doesn't always give us the easy way out, does it?"

"No. It doesn't." Her voice grew thick as she spoke. "But…if I kill the one thing I'm fighting for, what does that make me?"

Kaidan's eyes widened, then snapped shut. Was she actually saying what he thought she was saying? Their old friend was pretty good at concealing surprise, but even he sounded blindsided by her question. "You mean to tell me he's the _only_ reason you're still fighting?"

"What? No, of course not." Defense immediately snuck into her tone, evening out after a brief pause. "Garrus, I'm fighting for all of us. The chance for organics to make it on their own terms. For their freedom to love, make mistakes, apologize for them. For galactic freedom. If I shoot someone for defending the Council, what does that make me?"

As she continued to speak, what they used to call 'Commander Fucking Shepard' crept into her voice. He could almost _see_ her slowly standing straight, that fiery command in her eye. That also meant she was dodging the question.

"You been practicing that speech for a while?" If Garrus didn't sound so sarcastic, he sounded like he would have been laughing.

Something lightly clunked against the nearby wall. From the way her voice echoed hollowly, he thought she might be leaning her forehead against a bulkhead. "Heh. You know me too well; well, it worked on Liara, anyway."

"I'm not going to judge you, Shepard. If there's one person in this galaxy that's earned a little good will and a pass on one bad call, it's you."

She sounded somewhat mollified, a wry chuckle barely making itself heard. He slowly swelled with gratitude toward Garrus; the turian was making her feel better. It was more than _he'd_ be able to accomplish, given the situation. "Well, it wasn't _that_ bad a call; he stood down."

"I wasn't talking about that." Armor tapped along the floor as he walked to stand next to her. His voice lowered, causing Kaidan to lean toward the wall. "Listen, I'm going to tell you this as a friend: he's important to you, I _get_ that, but I saw how you were after Horizon. We can't have you snapping like that again – you were out for a few days. We can't afford that, not with the Reapers kicking our asses."

_Snapping like that again?_

The gratitude he felt moments before suddenly twisted into a torrent of guilt. Did what he said really affect her that much? No wonder she wanted to talk about how they'd get past Horizon. Saying they should just ignore it probably _wasn't_ the wisest decision he ever made.

There was a specific tone of voice that she unconsciously fell into when she was hugging her arms around her torso: not quite defensive, but quiet and closed off. "Alright, Garrus. I'll…figure something out." Her trademark loud, clunky walk echoed down the hallway, away from the observatory. The elevator beeped.

The turian waited until she was out of earshot and then muttered to himself, "Like hell you will," before trudging off toward the forward battery.

Hands covered his face as he sat forward, elbows on knees. What did he _do?_ Every small smile, every awkward attempt to reassure him that she hadn't changed…he'd ignored them all.

Told himself it was only him getting his hopes up after over two years of loneliness. That she was just trying to keep him from hating her completely. Clearly he was being an idiot again and messing everything up. He needed to go tell her exactly how he felt about her before it was too late. He _couldn't_ lose her again. How often does a man get a second chance with the love of his life?

Resolve renewed, he stood up and marched out the door…only to march intoher. "Oh, uh, hi Shepard. We need to talk ab–"

"–It'll have to wait; just got a call from Hackett. Seems Cerberus feels the need to abduct civilians, and that is not happening on my watch. Suit up, you're coming with me." She didn't even wait for a response one way or the other as she turned on her heel and marched back to the elevator.

He tried to bite back a small smile. He outranked her in the Alliance and they were both Spectres, but there was no question whatsoever: _she_ was a leader. One he would follow into hell and back every time. He rolled his neck and went to follow her to the shuttle deck to suit up.


End file.
